It is no secret to many of you that I have been (as many are) looking to move; to do something new. In a perfect world, I could live where I want (at the moment, that place is Seattle,) do what I want (write stuff,) and visit my parents often enough that I could once again get tired of eating my food in a tortilla. (That last bit is a joke. I don’t think it’s possible to get tired of eating tasty snacks in a tortilla.)

That being said, I’ve been cruising the listings just to see if anything resembling a writing gig has popped up in the cold Pacific Northwest. I found a hilarious listing for a technical writing position at [REDACTED] and decided that I just had to send in an application. [REDACTED] is a tech company in downtown Seattle, mere blocks from Pike Place market. Sounds up my alley. The listing was crafted with a good deal of charm, no small bit of love, and an enormous pile of humor. The listing made me want to work there. In sending an application forward, I made a decision. I would not approach this formally. This is in no way what they are asking for. They are asking for personality. 

I can give them that. For your pleasure, this is what I sent. Who knows if anything will come of it.

To the most eloquent staff of [REDACTED]:

I salute you.

Though I may not be a ninja of grammar, I believe my self-appointed rank of Wordsmith Extraoirdinaire will offer you joy and–the blessing of the Old Ones willing–cause to bring me into the [REDACTED ADJECTIVAL FORM OF COMPANY NAME] folds of your organization. The ring of Ghræmlïn (the hammer of this particular Wordsmith) would lend a unique texture to the already fine work being produced at your PNW home, ideally setting the organization further along the path to continued greatness.

I must admit, my training as a Jargo-Mancer has left me somewhat lacking in the area of Technical Writing, but upon reading the creatively penned description of the work, I was compelled to offer myself to your whims. The instructors at my Alma Mater proclaimed throatily that I was a fast and dedicated learner, able to absorb information like a sponge in the deepest nethers of the vast oceans. Would that I could learn more, and from an (obviously) witty and fun-loving crew! Lo! The answer was writ before my eyes, found lurking in the undercarriage of Glassdoor’s “Writer” category in Seattle.

I am familiar with software. I have some experience with code, and am eager to familiarize myself further with both in the future, ideally in a hands-on fashion. I have been seeking a path to satisfy several of my current desires: moving to the wonderful city of Seattle, working in Tech (specifically in a writing capacity,) and destroying grammatical errors and ambiguity like a precision laser. It appears your organization is offering more than a position, it is offering a dream.

Thank you for your time, and for the sheer pleasure of reading your job description. It stood out from the hundreds of others as a beacon; one that must be addressed forthwith.

Elan Samuel
www.elansamuel.com